doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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