Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
