In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
