Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had to coat check the pizza.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He did a backflip because drugs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
