guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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