It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
