No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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