it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
