I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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