We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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