So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
