I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
