Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
