Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
