so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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