Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
