so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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