If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
