I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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