dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
