If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
