Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
