how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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