I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
