Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
