she kept yelling 'call me bella'
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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