so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my liver is dry heaving
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
