how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
