No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
