if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
