ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
