I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
