My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize