so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
