I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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