This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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