Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just gift wrapped bread.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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