My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
