The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize