I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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