Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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