Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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