this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
