Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
