three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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