Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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