I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
