Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
