Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
