Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
