Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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