i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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