happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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