Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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