Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
