she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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