none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
