Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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