told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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