I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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