did you get engaged???
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
