I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
4 words: hood of his car
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
