as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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